just me

All posts in the just me category

suffer from very low self-esteem.

Published May 28, 2013 by not so secret life of sarah

I’M one of life’s victims.I try to be nice to people and I try to be helpful and kind. But it always gets thrown back in my face, My parents make me feel guilty for not doing enough for them, even though I’m with them nearly 24/7 and do everything for them, and friends constantly take advantage of my good nature.

I’m constantly plagued by friends and family who need me to look after their children, lend them money and drive them around.they feel that if they nags long and hard enough, then I’ll eventually give in.their  probably right. I’m sure I will. But the minute I need a favor doing, I don’t see anyone for dust. I don’t like to sound like a sad loser but I hate my life,Every morning I wake up and vow that today will be different.I’ll stand up for myself and tell various people to get stuffed, but it never happens and then I hate myself even more.

That’s just the way my life goes, people pick at me until I unravel because I’m so desperate to be liked and to please them.

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creepy clown

Published October 24, 2012 by not so secret life of sarah

creepy clown

As ye might know i LOVE Halloween i love everything that goes with it 🙂 i just copied from a photo of an evil clown from Stereophonics video for “Mr Writer” , used some makeup liquid latex and bog roll and this is what happened …

Have a happy Halloween !
– Sarah

How to do the creep clown 🙂 —->

  1. First of all , clean ur face make sure you have no oil on that pretty little face of yours 🙂 (other wise the white face make up will run if ur somewhere hot like the pub or night club). put on the white face paint over everything!

  2. out line with a black eyeliner or a dark red lip liner the shape u want above and under your eye, and around your mouth (make sure its wide enough so it looks rotten like u just got it ripped off by a fish hook or something alone those lines)
  3. On the lines you have just drawn on , u get a sponge and dab on some liquid latex and and then some loo roll and repeat this about 5 times make sure not to get it on your eyelid and just above your brow (you need to wait a few minutes between each liquid latex and loo roll step for it to dry a little other wise you’ll end up looking like brain from teenage mutant ninja turtles).
  4. When you have done this around the mouth when its dry after about 5 goes of it get a eyebrow pluckers and pick a little hole nearest to your mouth then with a tooth pick drag it along where u want your fake mouth to be. draw on some teeth in side this gap with a black eyeliner and white eyeliner to fill in the teeth.
  5. On the eye start covering the loo roll wit different shades of red and black lippy and bruise colored eye-shadows like black brown purple yellow and dark pinks on your eyelid make sure its a very dark color to give it depth. Do the very same on your fake mouth make sure not to get it on ur fake drawn on teeth.
  6. add some black shadows to the other eye and some drawn on veins , even if u want make that eye a pretty clowns eye its makes it crazier 😀 , do your lips nice and SMILIE , normal or sad whatever,(i went with sad-ish i was going around de house saying im a sad sad sad clown 😦 my folks thought i was demented :)…)
  7. For the fun part destroy your loo roll with fake blood all bits and if u can get ur paws on some rimmel sun shimmer fake tan dark, dab some of that on too it looks like u have been infected on ur sores make sure not to get it on the white though 🙂
  8. Have a happy Halloween everybody eat lots of sweets drink lots of blood-shots and make sure to keeps ur pets in 🙂 xxx

Im not sure whats wrong… But is probably your fault.

Published October 9, 2012 by not so secret life of sarah

Ive come to the conclusion that i must be a very cold-hearted  person.I now have to clear all my texts and letters with John,he says some things i write are very sarcastic…Honestly??!! i don’t mean half the things i wright well not in a hurtful way anyways.

One of my friends text recently to say she was getting married soon,i had to change my 3 page text to her over john , i didn’t say anything bad like, i was just making sure this is what she wanted to do,But i guess its just the way i put it -honesty is my policy (but insanity is my defense) with my friends and lucky enough they take me the way i am.

If they ask me dose my arse look big in this , i am going to tell them the truth- and that my social bloggers is  how to have less friends 🙂                                                         seriously though is there any point in telling your friends little white lies. i know for a fact that my friends will see them photos and go … OH MY GOD .. why did you let me out in that?!

People have often said that i have sarcastic but quirky personalty, what the feck dose that mean? that im weird and i  involves humor of a negative and somewhat hurtful kind. What the fork!

Not many people understand sarcastic people, because we are too smart to be understood. Oh, com’n be honest! John you should know by now how to handle  my talking skills  🙂 .

What happened to me?!

Published October 1, 2012 by not so secret life of sarah

Honestly when did i get so boring, all i want to do on the weekend is sit at home watching films and reading books, ive seen so many films now that i cant even remember the names or what half of them are about.And as for books ive so many i could start a true crime library.

Back in the day when i was in my teens there was NO way in hell u could keep me at home on the weekends, to this day i still cant figure out how i didn’t get liver failure… my sister is a good 7 years older than me and she still loves to get dolled up and head out for a night piss up, im only 25 and i feel embarrassed going out, frumpy and self conscious. God i wish i was still 18 and not give a flying fork who thinks what.

Oh and to add to my discomfort,its my birthday in two weeks – barf-day is what im renaming it. It will be expected of me to go out for the night for a few drinks. I don’t want to go…. But i do want to go! Ooh lordy, im scared.

My main worries of the night will be;

1. I will look like a sausage (in the new dress which i bought which took me a good two weeks to decide on)

2.. I will break my neck  (in the new shoes i bought which took me a further 5 seconds to buy), (its been a VERY long time since i wore HIGH heels)

3. My B.F.F Colleen wont be there to clam me down after i have drank too much and relies im in my late 20s 😦 damn you Portugal for taking her away from me!!!

4. My sister wont be around to send me a silly text about being drunk on my barf-day 😦  double damn you Thailand!!!

5. They will embarrass me with some sort of gift giving, acts of kindness or WORSE a birthday song ooh the shame i can nearly feel the redness creep up my face already.

6. THEY WILL MAKE ME DANCE… I don’t do dancing, no im not doing it they cant make me!

Let the panic attacks begin. .                                                                                                                                         (pic from after the birthday bash , oh lordy Jesus )227713_10151589141350828_314925835_n

Random facts that u probably didn’t or want to know :D

Published September 2, 2012 by not so secret life of sarah

I have a huge heart for animals and cry uncontrollably whenever I see animal cruelty especially towards dogs or cats. (Ireland’s RTE“puppy mills” special…ya…I cried a river that day!)

I’m not a cute crier!!

If I had to choose between a night out with friends or staying home, I’d stay home. I love being home!

My name was initially going to be Zara but it was changed to Sarah two weeks after they brought me home from the hospital.

The movie “Gremlins” scared me as a kid.

I was offered a free tattoo for my 21st birthday. I declined.

There is always music playing in the car when I’m driving.

I like the feeling of being up early in the morning

I can get along with almost anyone if I put my mind to it.

I got detention alot in first year mostly for talking.

I took golf lessons when I was younger but quit within a month or two.

When someone would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said a tooth fairy.

When I was really young, I had one of the most terrifying nightmares ever, i cant even describe it but i still get flash backs from it.

I love being in love.

Sometimes, things bother me too much.  When I was a teenager, I was terrible about dwelling on things and was unable to let stuff go.  These days I actually handle this much better unless it’s something that I believe can change and is worth screaming about.

I swear way too much.

I used to cry myself to sleep every night. Any little thing broke me down and depression was an illness that I had. But I`m fine now.

I don’t have a “type”

I hate Big Brother (and variations thereof)

I enjoy reading horror books at night.

Today I found out about the “negative buoyancy” thing, which is kind of… a disease, that makes the body sink, they never float, they can’t swim. I think I have it. Really. I mean, lots of people tried to teach me how to swim, more than 10, but I never did. I still can’t swim.

I think the most amazing person in Europe is Johnny. x

I’m shy. Like, really fucking shy, but I’m working on it. Well, as much as you can work on something like that.

I can’t take compliments in a normal way. And most of the times I don’t believe them too.

I cut my own hair.

I’m afraid of heights and being more than 3 feet up makes me nervous.. the idea of hitting the ground after falling terrifies me.

I’m very lazy.

I hate feet. I will flip out if someone puts a bare foot in my personal space.

I’m completely accident prone and i get hurt alot.

I hate receiving gifts in front of people.  It’s part of that crippling shyness.  I’d much rather get it in a group setting or better yet, when I’m completely alone.  It’s not that I don’t think I won’t like it but it’s because I don’t know what to say.

I have a semi giant book collection-it is smaller than it used to be because i got a kindle but I love to read.

I can’t find my way out a paper bag even with directions.  I’m horrible at getting lost—I have no directional sense and get all nervous about taking new routes.  Even if that route is shorter.

Racism, sexism and homophobia make my blood boil.

Halloween is my all-time favorite holiday.

zantrex 3 blue bottle

Published June 14, 2012 by not so secret life of sarah

It’s about to get real up in here.

I  am not in shape.  Well, that’s really an understatement.  I am overweight is more like it.For the longest time I’ve ignored that fact, especially because I’m with a man who loves me the way I am.That’s all well & good, except I’m totally not healthy & (neither is he) It’s time to make a change.

The other thing you need to know is that I have little to no will power or ambition when it comes to exercising.If it’s too hot/too cold/Sunday through Saturday, I will not exercise outside. In fact, the only way I will exercise is in front of the TV where I normally enjoy sitting & making my fat ass fatter.  How sad is that?  I’m sort of ashamed of myself…sort of. And so,im getting a secondhand treadmill  my journey to work out everyday will begin. Honestly, I’m excited to get started!  This is going to sound so stupid given what I just told you about myself, but I’ve wanted to get into running for a long time.  I know a few people who run habitually, & in addition to being ass kickers, they always have more energy & feel so much better than I do.  I’m jealous.It’s going to be a long, slow process to start – just walking everyday in the beginning.  But I do plan to get there.

To add to my new diet ive invested in a new diet pill called zantrex 3 (the blue bottle) (for the lazy people) so far so good started taking them last week and have already lost 5lbs 🙂 although the reviews on the internet are SHOCKING but im willing to try any thing … some of the reviews ive come across said this-  Its a diet pill which seems to have the sole active ingredient of Caffeine – which means its an expensive version of drinking strong coffee. its like taking the drug coke. i dont reccomend them.. i woke up last night and i felt really weird.. like i wasnt myself.. extreme paranoia and possibly a panic attack.
i couldnt move or breath for what seemed like a minute several times as i tried to sleep..

I seem to be fine on them though the only day i was a bit weird was on Tuesday i had a small bit of a panic attack but then again that was probably because i was dragged to a Blink 182 concert in the 02 in Dublin and i was sitting in the front row on the balcony im NOT good with heights!!!

Anyhoos  i’m telling you this because I need you to help hold me accountable.  Ask me if I’ve worked out.  If I say no, tell me to get my lazy ass off the internet & onto that treadmill I just paid good money for.

Trust me, you are not going to hurt my feelings.  I need this.  I know myself.

This is going to be a long, hard journey, but it’s definitely one I’m ready to take.